Editor's Note: Stop the clock at 5 weeks! We're officially into the ".. or else" portion of the programming as we missed a week, but not without a great excuse: DNP - Threw Out Back Picking Up a Piece of Paper. Nevertheless, we march on here at 500WOE Enterprises.
--
On my left upper arm sits a heart with the name Betty emblazoned across it. It's still the only name on my body, years after she passed. My mother's mother, she loved music with a twang, her grandchildren, and The Price is Right. It's not often that I dive back into America's pricing game, but every time I do, I'm reminded of sitting by her side on summer afternoons, during her "program" as Bob Barker strode onto the stage.
Now, older and (maybe) wiser, I still love catching an episode on a sick day. Take that and the previously mentioned back, and we got a few episodes in this week, and let me tell you, they did not disappoint.
There was one guy who looked like the son from The Cleveland Show who crushed it, but the real star of the show was Abigail and her pal.
Abigail spun up $.45 on the Big Wheel (official name!), which is an objectively terrible place to be. If you don't know, you've got two spins to get closest to $1 without going over.
So Abigail lands on $.45 and looks out into the crowd at her friend/partner/family member. We get a frame or two of his face, with that right thumb up, seemingly signaling "Let's stay there!"
But then there's a magic moment. The moment that he realizes that he's not actually in control. Abigail is in control; he was foolish for ever thinking differently.
At this point, it's all about damage control. Be supportive, relinquish the reins, and hope for the best. That's how we get from the thumbs up to the palms skyward. I also want to take this chance to note the lady in the front who is disgusted and clearly not going to have to spend time with Abigail after the show.
So it's back to Abigail, determiner of fate, handler of the wheel, sultaness of the spin. With joy, determination, and confidence, she tells Drew it's time to spin again.
The Big Wheel™ lands on $.55, Drew thanks Abigail for her time, and she's whisked away. Perfect storytelling, perfect television, and perfect character arc.
The Price is Right is our national mirror. Excess, greed, and poor financial literacy, all wrapped up in bright colors and presented by models. I genuinely hope it never gets canceled, and AI Drew Carey is running a showcase showdown as this planet melts into the Sun. Miss you, Bets.
Ja Morant of the Week
Still here, standing in the wreckage of his posturing gone wrong. Every running mate shipped away due to the lack of availability that led to the lack of wins.
The last Grizzlies rebuild ended when Ja Morant was selected 2nd overall in the 2019 NBA Draft. It lasted all of one full season. May the other end of this experience be just as speedy.
Movie of the Week
Hard Boiled
Over 100,000 blank rounds and 200 real guns resulted in approximately 307 on-screen deaths in John Woo's classic, which begs the question, "How big are those clips?!"
Turn up the volume, dim the lights, and enjoy some BANG BANG BANG POW POW * WILHELM SCREAM * PEW PEW.
New Words of the Week
Can't wait to get fired for dropping any of these words in a Slack huddle.
Dumbass of the Week
Congratulations to our first 2-time winner, Our President, who warned Canada that "The first thing China will do (after what, who knows?) is terminate ALL Ice Hockey being played in Canada, and permanently eliminate The Stanley Cup."
Pretty sure the Stanley Cup's been eliminated from Canada since 1993! 🤣🤣🤣